Anger and memories
by theatre geek
Summary: Jess needs to get over his past before moving to his future. Cristopher returns and both Rory and Lorelai finaly adress the 'Jess situation.' takes place before Teach Me Tonight. J/R and maybe L/C or L/L. Chapter 9 is up!
1. A promise to a friend

A/N: this is my first fic ever, so r/r please. Btw, this all takes place before Teach Me Tonight.  
  
  
  
It was a Saturday morning in Stars Hallow and the diner was as busy as ever. Luke looked especially frantic taking orders.  
  
"Need some help?" Lorelai offered sympathetically.  
  
"No!" Luke snapped back. Then he turned and yelled up the stairs, "Jess, get down here and help me NOW!  
  
"Jess getting to you, huh?" Lorelai asked.  
  
"Yes! Now go sit down and wait for your coffee like everyone else!"  
  
This was strange behavior for Luke. Usually he was calm towards Lorelai. She knew something was up, but she had to obey orders (her coffee depended on it). She sat down next to Rory, but decided to talk about Luke later.  
  
Jess came thundering down the stairs putting on his jacket and heading towards the door.  
  
"And where do you think you're going?" Luke sneered.  
  
"Out." Jess replied shortly.  
  
"Look at all of these hungry customers."  
  
"Oh, that reminds me. I'm hungry too." He said picking up an apple and walking out the door. Luke sighed stiffly as the bells on the door rang.  
  
"I don't know why I agreed to take him in," Luke told Lorelai as he brought her and Rory their coffee. "He's more trouble than he's worth."  
  
Lorelai didn't notice Rory staring after Jess. Rory quietly slipped out following him (with coffee in hand, of course).  
  
"Why do you hate Luke so much?" Rory said catching up to Jess.  
  
"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Jess ignored her comment.  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Then go where you don't have to be."  
  
"I don't have to be here."  
  
"Fine. I guess I might as well get used to you since you won't leave."  
  
"Ahh. Smart boy"  
  
"So where do you want to go?" Jess still did not smile.  
  
"Where were you planning on going?"  
  
"Out," Jess repeated.  
  
"Out where?"  
  
"Just out"  
  
"You skipped work to go 'out'?"  
  
"Yea. 's that a problem?"  
  
"No. I just think that you are always so insensitive."  
  
"And what would you know about that?"  
  
"I do go to Chilton. I'd say that there are many insensitive people there." Rory said thinking of Tristan, Paris, Madeline, and their friends. Jess snorted a laugh.  
  
They walked around the center of town in silence, but Rory noticed Jess's eyes growing colder as the smile smeared off his face. She had a feeling that he was thinking of the big city world from which he had come.  
  
Jess suddenly remembered a time, about two years ago when he had to show his soft side:  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
He was driving home from a party with his girlfriend, Janet, in the car, when he remembered that he had bought her some flowers. They were in the back, so he told Janet to take the wheel. While reaching back, he felt the car swerve. Just before he was knocked unconscious, he remembered that they had been drinking and that Janet was not as tolerant to alcohol as he was. When he awoke in the emergency room, he felt the guilt that had surpassed him the night before. and even more so when he found out that his mistake had killed her. He never had gotten over this and had resolved never to have another girlfriend (for fear of her life). But Rory almost forget his promise to Janet.  
  
**  
  
"What is it?" Rory asked, curious but concerned.  
  
"Uh, I better get back to the diner." Jess changed the subject not wanting Rory to know about this fault of him.  
  
"I thought you were going 'out.'" She shot back at him, hiding the fact that she wanted him to stay.  
  
"I am 'out,' and now I'm going 'in'." He walked back towards the diner alone, blocking the fact that he really wanted to stay.  
  
He was just a few feet from the diner entrance when he saw Luke and Lorelai fighting. This meant that something was very wrong. He could go around the back way and creep to his room unnoticed. All he had to do was get his portable CD player to get his mind off of her. No! Bad Jess. He silently scolded himself. How can I be thinking this? I love Janet, not Rory, remember, Jess?  
  
  
  
~~ Meanwhile, in the Diner~~  
  
  
  
"Did you see Rory leave?" Lorelai felt like the scatterbrain she often was.  
  
"She's your daughter. Maybe you aren't ready for a teenager if you don't even know where she is."  
  
"That's it! You act like you can take care of a kid better than I can. Well guess who's kid staged a murder to make the town more "interesting." And who's kid was it who stole the Babbette's garden gnome? Oh, and guess who."  
  
"That would be my sister's kid." Luke interrupted.  
  
"Well thank you captain literal."  
  
"Yes, I know that I am taking care of him at the moment but he's been here for 3 months, and you've brought Rory up for 16 years. One would think that you know where she is. Even I do."  
  
"You do? Where?" Lorelai stopped herself realizing that she was admitting that she didn't know where her daughter was. This would only prove Luke right. "I mean, uh, of course I know where she is."  
  
"It's hard to believe that you were her age only 16 years ago and you still can't detect chemistry."  
  
"Ah, chemistry one of my worst subjects." She teased sarcastically.  
  
"Fine I'll just have to open your eyes for you. Jess - Rory - Picnic basket auction - Deja vu. You know, Dean's her first boyfriend, first kiss, first breakup, and first "get back together." You didn't truly think that that was going to go on forever, did you?  
  
"No, no. Not my Rory. With bad boy Jess."  
  
"Denial: the first sign that you have a problem."  
  
"Don't be smart with me."  
  
"You know I'm not smart," He said with a smile trying to lighten the mood.  
  
"Yup. But my Rory is and I know that she would never fall for the wrong boy." Lorelai held her head high in a 'ha, you were wrong' sort of way.  
  
"Maybe Jess isn't the wrong boy." He was in the process of thinking this through when he dove into the seriousness of the statement.  
  
"You have no right to decide who is or isn't right for my baby!" Lorelai blew up at Luke.  
  
"Well neither do you."  
  
"Oh, yes, I do. But you certainly are not responsible enough to decide that, even for your nephew. I would advise you to keep Jess away from Rory, because if you set them up, I'll have to kick some plaid butt!" She grunted walking out the door with her sixth cup of coffee for the morning.  
  
"Wow, she's getting to be so much like her mother that she doesn't even notice it," Luke said to himself. Then he got back to work as a one-man show.  
  
  
  
~~ Outside the diner directly after the two last scenes~~  
  
(Lorelai runs into Jess as she is storming out of the diner)  
  
"Weren't you going 'out'?" Lorelai eyed Jess with a bit of warning thinking of the fresh bit of information Luke had given her.  
  
"Boy, you guys spend way too much time together." Jess mumbled referring to her and Rory.  
  
"Excuse me mister?" She was a bit taken offended by the muttering (Jess could tell she was crabby today.)  
  
"Nothing." He didn't want to cause any more of a scene as not to be instructed to work in the diner.  
  
As he walked around to the back of the diner he saw a shadowy figure approaching him.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: I know that Lorelai and Luke fighting like that was not totally in character and that the fact that Jesse likes Rory may be old news to Lorelai but bear with me. It will get more interesting. 


	2. Dean comes to his senses

A/N: read and review please. Also give me ideas; fan fiction is the only thing keeping me sane this summer. Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter.  
  
  
  
The young man was walking at an angry pace towards Jess with his arms pumping at his sides. Jess knew that it must be.  
  
"Yo, Dean what's the matter," he asked sarcastically.  
  
"You, you are the matter," Dean said in a more serious tone. "You stay away from Rory or I'll make you!"  
  
"I ain't after Rory," he stated, but, not wanting to show his soft side, he continued, "but she told me that she's thinking you over again. Doesn't know if she still loves you." The look he got from Dean amused him. Dean looked furious yet Jess could see through him, as those years in the hard city had taught him, into a pit of hurt and loneliness.  
  
"I have warned you: stay away from Rory or else!" He stormed off leaving Jess with a grin trickling onto his face. Jess knew that it was harsh and that he was playing with this guy's heart, but it satisfied his sadistic desires.  
  
He continued around the corner and up the stairs to the apartment. He hurriedly grabbed his CD player and a CD lying on the floor next to his bed. He popped it in and put on the headphones. As he walked into the street, the music started and he regretted not paying more attention. This was the one CD that reminded him of Rory: innocent with a hint of hunger for the dangerous city life.  
  
"Nice guys finish last/" the members of Green Day sang, "you're runnin out of gas/ Your sympathy will get you left behind."  
  
"Stupid song!" He muttered to himself switching tracks. "I need something to get my mind off this."  
  
"Hey mister, where are you headed/ Are you in a hurry/ I need a lift to happy hour/ I say, oh, no."  
  
"Yea, that's me," Jess sighed.  
  
  
  
~~In the Gilmore house~~  
  
Lorelai stormed though the door and into the living room where she stopped dead in her tracks. She saw a disheveled-looking Rory slouching on the couch with a tub of chocolate ice cream on her lap.  
  
"Whoa, there!" She plopped down on the couch next to Rory. "What happened?"  
  
"Nothing," she lied, not very convincingly.  
  
"Ha! Why don't you try telling Mr. Ice Cream that? I don't think he'll believe you either." Rory took another spoonful of ice cream pretending not to be listening. "Now, tell me what's really wrong. Not another Dean breakup is it?"  
  
"No. not really."  
  
"That doesn't sound good."  
  
"I just. I feel guilty."  
  
"My innocent little girl? No! I remember once when we were living in the shack."  
  
"I'm not gong to tell you if you can't listen."  
  
"But. oh, alright, but why do you feel guilty?"  
  
"Okay, let's get this straight. I do NOT like Jess as more than a friend!" She wasn't positive of this, though.  
  
"Glad to hear it," said Lorelai, and she was. "So then why do you feel guilty?"  
  
"It just feels like I'm not obeying Dean. I know that he doesn't like me being friends with Jess, but I like his personality. He gives me an idea of what the big city is like. I also know how sensitive he is inside."  
  
"Sensitive? Jess?" Lorelai blurted out.  
  
"Yes, sensitive. I mean, he has had to hide it being in a city of tough guys. Today, though, I told him how insensitive everyone thinks he is and I could tell that he was thinking of a time when he was different. Just the way his eyes clouded over and went into a hurt and scared kind of gaze."  
  
"It sounds like you know him really well." Lorelai was beginning to see that Rory did like Jess as more than a friend, but took this chance to change Rory's mind.  
  
"Yea, and he's a great person."  
  
"I have to agree with the Dean on your shoulder though. You are disobeying him."  
  
"I know, but I really like being friends with Jess."  
  
"I think you should tell Dean how you feel."  
  
"Maybe you're right." Rory dropped the tub of ice cream on the floor and rolled off the couch. As she walked out the door she yelled back to her mother. "Thank you."  
  
"No, thank you," she said softly. With Rory not with Jess she could befriend Luke again.  
  
  
  
~~In the gazebo~~  
  
  
  
Rory and Dean were sitting together talking. Rory looked a bit nervous while Dean wore his normal serious face.  
  
"Hear me out before you react, okay?" Rory warned Dean.  
  
"It's that bad, huh?"  
  
"Well, it's about Jess."  
  
"That juvenile delinquent?"  
  
"Yes, now, well," she stuttered to get the words out. "Dean, I love you and always will."  
  
"But?" He was beginning to notice something wrong. Her eyes were clouded and she was looking everywhere except at him. Jess had been right. He knew she didn't love him anymore. He didn't love her either. Come to think of it, the only reason he hadn't broken up with her was that he didn't want her to be with Tristan or Jesse. Neither of them deserved such a wonderful girl, but he knew this was the time to let go.  
  
"Wait, no, you don't love me." He finally corrected himself. "Those kisses we have are just the old '40th anniversary' kind of kisses. We're not in love and we both know it. We should just stay away from each other for a while, okay?"  
  
With that he walked down the steps of the gazebo and toward the market leaving Rory with a broken heart, or so she thought.  
  
  
  
A/N: The next chapter will be more about Jess and Rory and Jesse's past. 


	3. New man in town

A/N: please review my story. I need to know if people like it or not. Pleeeeez? I'll give you coffee. Wait, no I won't, but please review. I'm desperate! Oh, and Jesse is now Jess thanks to Jocelyn.  
  
  
  
"Luke, I need coffee!" Lorelai was at the counter pleading with Luke. Although she knew that there was a full cup under the counter, she liked flirting with him.  
  
"It's 9 o'clock at night. You will be asleep in an hour."  
  
"I can't go to sleep without coffee!"  
  
"If you drink it now you won't be able to get to sleep either.  
  
"So." Lorelai put her finger to her chin and looked into space thinking. "It's either no coffee and no sleep or lots of coffee and no sleep. I believe I shall choose the latter."  
  
"That stuff will kill you, you know."  
  
"We're all dying gradually, though, aren't we?"  
  
"Some faster than others."  
  
"Just give me the coffee and nobody gets hurt!" She held her hands together, index fingers pointed towards Luke, like a gun.  
  
"I'm not going to stand her and watch you kill yourself, Lorelai."  
  
"Well then stand over there and watch me kill myself." She pointed to an empty table.  
  
Suddenly the bells on the door jingled interrupting their little scene. Luke smiled at Lorelai (actually it was more of a half smile with a sigh of relief at getting away from Lorelai's annoying addiction. As he took the man's orders Lorelai, not bothering to see who had walked in at this ungodly hour, reached behind the counter and pulled out a full, steaming cup of Luke's 'gourmet' coffee. The first sip was heaven. It was like she had never tasted coffee in her life. After a few more sips, she slowly turned to Luke and the man with a knack for disrupting late-night coffee drinkers.  
  
"I'll have a coke and fries," said the man. That voice. I know that voice. But it can't be.  
  
"Christopher?"  
  
"Oh, hey, Lor."  
  
Lorelai sat there blinking and looking confused. She was trying to figure things out. Why was he back here? And why was he so friendly after what she had said to him the last time he was here?  
  
"Hello?" Christopher waved at Lorelai's blank eyes.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"I was expecting more of a 'wow! Christopher! It's been so long!'"  
  
"Wow! Christopher! It's been so long!" She changed moods slightly but then back again. "The question remains: why are you here?"  
  
"Well, it's a long story. See, sherry and I sort of had a fight."  
  
"A fight, huh?"  
  
"Yes, a fight. And I sort of threatened to move out. And she sort of."  
  
"Enough with the 'sort of's.' Just tell me."  
  
"She said that she wanted me to move out. That she was bored with me. So I took all my stuff and moved the only place I knew I would be accepted. Here."  
  
"Moved." She needed reassurance. "Just like that."  
  
"Just like that." He confirmed.  
  
Without another word Lorelai got up and walked out the door.  
  
  
  
~~The Gilmore House~~  
  
"Rory!" Lorelai yelled at the top of her lungs as she walked into the living room.  
  
"Shut up," an annoyed Rory shot back. "I'm right here." She was slouched on the couch with the same tub of chocolate ice cream sitting on the floor. Took a huge scoop of ice cream and shoved it in her mouth.  
  
"Okay.um, déjà vu. Mind telling me what it is now?" Lorelai sat down next to Rory.  
  
"Dean broke up with me. again." She sobbed.  
  
"What do you want me to do to him? Beat him up with my own hard fist? I'm willing to, you know." Not only was she mad at him for breaking her little girl's heart, but also for ruining her chance with Luke. She knew where this was going. Rory and Jess would finally get together and tear Luke and her apart.  
  
"No, Mom, I'm just confused. He said that I don't love him, and that we kiss like we are celebrating our 40th anniversary. How could he think that I don't love him?"  
  
"Maybe he's right."  
  
"Mom, you're supposed to be on my side!"  
  
"I'm just saying that maybe you two don't belong together." She was herself coming to accept this. "Maybe, just maybe, you felt obliged to stay with him because he was your first boyfriend."  
  
"How can you say that?!" Rory suddenly thought of Jess and how she felt that she could see right through him. She got up and ran to her room.  
  
"Rory!" Her mother called after her.  
  
In her room, Rory slammed the door, got out of her pajamas and into some street clothes. She climbed out the window, all the while hearing her mother scream apologies through her door.  
  
  
  
~~That night at Luke's~~  
  
"Jess go outside and cool off," Luke yelled after breaking up a fight between Jess and Kurt about the quality of the hamburger buns.  
  
"But Uncle Lukey," Jess put on a six year old voice. "It's so dark out there. I'm scared."  
  
"GO!"  
  
"Fine," he said walking out the door. He kept walking, though. Around the corner, through the town. He had no intention of going anywhere specific, but turned and decided to go down to the lake. Hopefully he could forget something there. He walked down the path thinking about Janet and Rory. He knew that he loved Janet, but what was this with Rory? Now that she and Dean had broken, up his feelings seemed to be even stronger. 'No!' He smacked himself on the head. 'How many times do I have to tell you? I love JANET.'  
  
"Don't beat yourself up."  
  
Jess looked up wondering who it was. He didn't recognize the voice.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Don't you remember? I'm Christopher. It's Jesse, right?"  
  
"Jess, and no, I don't remember you."  
  
"Sorry, I'm Rory's dad." The sound of her name made Jess's heart jump, but him blank expression remained. "You know, I can read right through you."  
  
"What do you mean?" Jess tried to sound innocent, but deep inside, he was scared. What if this guy actually knew what he was thinking? Knew all his secrets? What if this guy could read his mind? Knew who he was? But what scared him the most was the fact that maybe he wasn't the only one or that he might tell her.  
  
"I mean that you remind me of myself at your age. Wild and full of energy, yet I can see that you have a sensitive side just like I did. You like to read, don't you?"  
  
"Well, yea." Okay, this was freaky. It's not like he wore a sign saying 'I like to read' or any thing.  
  
"Dickens?" It was more of a statement asking for approval.  
  
"Uh, hu." Getting freakier. How is this possible? I always wear the same face. He really can see through me. No, that's not possible. It's just that he was like me. He probably just knows some things about me.  
  
"You read to get away from your own problem."  
  
"I never tell anybody stuff like that." This guy didn't even know his name. How would he know all this about him?  
  
"I know."  
  
"This is freaky." Jess started down the path.  
  
"Just a word of advice: The past can only give us some answers. Others we must learn for ourselves. Oh, and some promises aren't meant to be kept."  
  
"Goodbye, Yodda." Who did he think he was? Some 'elder of great wisdom' or something? All promises are made to be kept.  
  
He continued down the path thinking about what this stranger had told him. What if he actually knew what was right? But he wouldn't take some old loony's advice. He would not break his promise to Janet no matter what. He had gone this far without a girlfriend. Why not a few more decades? He was strong, enough. As he looked up he saw what he had been dreading. There she sat on the bridge. Knees tucked tight to her chest. She was even more beautiful by the dim moonlight. He approached her and was ready to carry on a conversation of some sort when she, without looking up, started it herself.  
  
"Why are you hard? It's like nothing gets through. It's amazing. You don't show any feelings whatsoever."  
  
"I." He wasn't quite sure what to say. It was true. Or at least he thought so. "I do show some feeling. It just depends where I am and what they are."  
  
"Fine, show me a feeling. Any feeling." She stood up to his level. This was a dare. He had to take it. He had no choice. Which feeling should he show her? He had so many locked inside. Then, as if he hadn't been the one to choose, he leaned closer to her. When their lips touched it was like ice cold fire. He closed his eyes and stared to draw back.  
  
  
  
~~Rory's point of view~~  
  
Wow. This was amazing. All she could think about was him. It wasn't like him to do this, but she liked it so very much. When he started to pull away she needed more. She pulled him back in for another. This was better than any kiss she had with Dean. It was so new, like she was being cleansed of Dean. Out of breath, she pulled away from the enchanting kiss. As she opened her eyes she felt dizzy. Wait, this meant that she really did like Jess. He opened him mouth to say something, but she turned around and ran down the path to her house.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Okay, now review. The button is your friend. I will take all reviews into consideration as I write the next chapter. Thanks for the reviews people *nudge**nudge* 


	4. A Mother's and Daughter's Advice

A/N: Sorry about the A/N's for the last chapter, but I was really mad that I didn't get many reviews. Also, there were actually 2 reviews for the 2nd chapter, but I did not check it before I posted. Thanks to all the readers who have reviewed this story. I greatly appreciate it. Here is the new chapter and keep the reviews coming. Sorry about the mess up, I updated this chapter cause it used to be all one paragraph. Oh, and GO LITERATIES!  
  
"MOTHER!" Rory was about to burst into tears if she didn't find her best friend soon to talk to. "Mom?" She repeated her name while looking through the house.  
  
Lorelai was nowhere to be found. There was only one more place that she could be, but Rory didn't want to go there. She was afraid that Jess might be there. Then he would ask about the kiss and she wouldn't know what to say. Did she like it? Was it what she had expected? Well, yes, she liked it, but she didn't know what to say. She hadn't really expected it. Like many of the residents, she knew that there was some sort of bond between them, but he had caught her by surprise once again. She decided to brave the diner and find her mother.  
  
As she walked down the empty street she thought what to say to her mother. She couldn't talk to her in the diner with Luke and, maybe, Jess listening. She could ask her to come home, but then her mother would know that something was up. Wait, did she already know? Had Jess already told her? Maybe that's why she knew something that Rory herself hadn't known: she liked Jess.a lot.  
  
~~In the Diner~~  
  
Luke looked up as he heard pounding on the front door of the diner. It was Lorelai. That sweet yet sometimes annoying figure whose old boyfriend was back. He walked to the door and let in his dream girl.  
  
"What, did you run out of coffee again?" He asked with a little smile trying not to be too harsh, but not wanting to show what he felt.  
  
"Rory's mad at me," she stated gloomily pouting.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"We got into a fight about YOUR Jess. You know, the one who has Rory's heart, but she doesn't even know it."  
  
"Yea," he said biting his lower lip. If Rory and Jess were together, then it would be really strange for him to be with Lorelai. "What about him?"  
  
"Well, you know she and dean broke up, right?" She continued to tall the whole story (except, of course, the part about her not wanting them to be together because of her feelings for Luke) until Jess walked in grinning.  
  
"You do know that it's ten thirty," he said to Lorelai. "The diner closed an hour ago." Lorelai shot him a mean look. "Well, aren't we in a great mood with me today."  
  
"You just stay away from Rory, you hear?" Lorelai warned him.  
  
"I'm sorry, but are you my mother?"  
  
"Jess," Luke interrupted. "Just listen to her."  
  
"Oh, right. I forgot." Jess went upstairs leaving the two alone.  
  
"What was that about, Luke?"  
  
"What was what about?"  
  
"What did he forget?"  
  
"You better get back home," Luke changed the subject. "Maybe even make up with Rory."  
  
"Oh, that's nice," she said sarcastically. "Turn it to my problems. I can take a hint. I can tell when I'm not wanted." She was furious by now.  
  
"Lorelai, I just." but she was already out the door.  
  
"Smooth, Uncle Luke. Real smooth." Jess had been on the stairs listening to them.  
  
"You little."Luke ran up the stairs ready to murder him with the butter knife in his hand.  
  
~~Outside the Diner~~  
  
Lorelai was speed walking away from the diner not conscious of where she was going. Rory was walking toward her yelling her name, but Lorelai was too lost in her own thoughts to notice her. She walks right past her daughter who is yelling her name in her ear, but she is deaf to the world. Rory turns and follows her back home having given up on getting her attention. Once at home, Lorelai plops down on the couch and turns on I Love Lucy reruns.  
  
"Mom."  
  
"What"  
  
"Can we talk?"  
  
"What are we doing, now? Morse Code?"  
  
"Mother, I just want to have a serious conversation here."  
  
"I'm surprised you still want to talk to the reject."  
  
"Mom, tell me. What's the matter?"  
  
"What's the matter?" She yelled at Rory. "Has miss Patty not talked to you yet? What's the matter?! I'll tell you what's the matter. Everything! This whole town and the people in it! My life! My house! My parents! My coffee! You name it, it's wrong. My life is falling apart. It's like a really bad horror movie from the 80's or something. Everything just seems so wrong. Nothing's going the way it should." By this time Rory had sat down next to her mother and aloud her to cry on her shoulder.  
  
"What are you talking about? I thought I was the one who had the problem here."  
  
"Wait, what's your problem?"  
  
"What's your's?"  
  
"I asked you first."  
  
"Okay, on the count of three. One.two.three."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Oh, come one." Rory gave up. "I will tell my news if you will tell your problems before we discus mine. Got it?"  
  
"I think."  
  
"Okay. So.um, well," she stuttered. "I kissed Jess."  
  
"Wow." She was stunned speechless for a moment, but remembered her part of the deal.  
  
"Okay, well, your father is back and Luke is mad it me."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"But what about you? I mean you KISSED him. That meant something, didn't it?" She was unconsciously directing the conversation.  
  
"Well, see, he actually kissed me, but I sort of kissed him back."  
  
"Ahh, the old 'it wasn't my fault' bit. Been there, done that. So tell me the details. Where? When? Why?"  
  
"You know when I was mad at you." she proceeded to tell her best friend the entire story. "The thing is, I liked it."  
  
"So I'm guessing you will be needing this again." She pulled out the tub of ice cream that Rory had become such good friends with from the fridge.  
  
"Mom, tell me about Dad being back," she said taking the sweet treat. "Where was he? Why did he come back? What about."  
  
"All coming, sister. Okay, I saw him at the dinner just before our little 'disagreement' and was so startled that I didn't even say hi."  
  
"Tell me about it." She said sympathetically.  
  
"Turns out that he and Sherry had a fight."  
  
"A fight."  
  
"Yes, and he threatened to move out and she said that he should."  
  
"So he came here."  
  
"He said it was the only place where he knew he would be accepted."  
  
"And Luke?"  
  
"I don't know what's up with him. Jess walked in on us arguing and just said like 'oh, sorry, I forgot' or something. It was like he was implying something but I don't know what" Rory chuckled a bit at her mother.  
  
"Isn't it obvious? He was hinting at something in particular."  
  
"What was he hinting at?"  
  
"Guess. Think about the people around you."  
  
"Well Jess was there, and Luke was there and I was there. We can rule out Jess because he was the one doing the hinting."  
  
"So it's down to you and Luke. Is there something between you two that maybe Jess noticed?" She said this in a kind of implying tone of voice.  
  
"No, there isn't. I swear. Maybe he sees something, but I DO NOT like Luke as more than a friend."  
  
"I sure hope so."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Well, with dad being back and all, you have to pick just one."  
  
"In fact, I think I still love you father."  
  
  
  
A/N: I know it's not a really good ending but I could not think of anything else to write. Don't forget to review. Give me specifics please. Thanx a bunch 


	5. It Has To Be

A/N: Again, thanks to all who reviewed the story. Your input has helped me develop this chapter. Remember that all this takes place before Teach Me Tonight. Go on, read away (then review).  
  
  
  
  
  
The two Gilmore's trudged into the diner the next morning.  
  
"Two coffees, and two orders of pancakes!" Jess yelled into the kitchen where Luke was working. He smiled at Rory who returned it sighing.  
  
Jess could not believe what he had done the night before. He had broken his promise. Janet would scorn him like there was no tomorrow, but she couldn't. She was dead. Ahh! He still could not get over it. His one true love was dead. And it was his own fault.  
  
  
  
~~Flashback~~  
  
After the accident he had become even more isolated. His mother worried about him when she wasn't drunk (which wasn't often). He ditched school more, even lunch, just to stay in his room with his music. The only problem with that was his mother and her many boyfriends. Whenever she was around he would lock his door and maybe climb down the fire escape from their apartment. Of course he had to be careful walking the streets with his headphones on, because he had gotten jumped to many times for not paying attention. After he escaped his mother to the city streets, he would wander around all night if he was lucky enough not to run into Tom, Rita, and Rick, The death TRRio, as they were called.  
  
~~End Flashback~~  
  
  
  
"I'm glad you finally caught on, given the fact that we come in here like twice a day." Lorelai ended their little staring contest. She really did not want the two of them together, but she loved and trusted her daughter.  
  
"You must be practicing. If only you put that time into your schoolwork," Rory scolded him as if nothing had happened.  
  
"Rory, can we talk? Alone?" Jess had to tell her. He had never told anyone about the accident or his promise, but it was the only way she would understand why he couldn't do this.  
  
"Sure," she agreed following him up to the apartment. Once in the privacy of the apartment a complicated conversation started.  
  
"Look, about last night." Jess started.  
  
"Right, um, I was thinking about that and I."  
  
"No. Listen to me for a second. We can't have a relationship. I'm sorry. As much as I would like to, we just can't. I am so sorry that I kissed you last night and got your hopes up. I hate to disappoint you, but we should just stay away from each other for a while."  
  
His eyes looked so empty when he told her this. It almost looked like he was about to cry. She hated seeing him like this.  
  
"Why?" She asked stunned and hurt.  
  
"It's a long story."  
  
"I've got all day."  
  
"You would not understand."  
  
"Try me." She knew she was being stubborn, but she really needed to know.  
  
"I.well, um.God! Can't you just leave me alone?" He lost it. He was no going to tell her his secret. "I don't want this anymore than you do, but it just has to be like this. Now get out." He pointed to the door. She stood there shocked. "GO!" He yelled.  
  
  
  
A/N: I know this chapter is really short, but I just had a bunch of ideas today and thought this was a good stopping point. Also I don't want to mess the chapter up with forced suff when I can't think of anything. Anywho, please review. 


	6. Just Try

A/N: Same as usual: please review.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nadda, and zip.  
  
Rory walked down the stairs about to burst into tears. She ran out the door not noticing her mother at the counter talking with Luke.  
  
"Rory?" Lorelai called after her daughter. "Luke, I have to go."  
  
"I will break that boy's neck with my own hands!" Luke threatened stomping up the stairs.  
  
  
  
~~Outside the Gilmore House~~  
  
Rory was running up the front steps, tears streaming down her face. When she looked up, it was too much for her to handle so early in the morning. She burst out into another round of tears. She fell into her father's arms wanting anything to support her.  
  
"There, there," he comforted her as if he had done this a million times. "Just tell me what's bothering you, sweetie. Is it a boy?"  
  
"Uh, hu," she managed to get out sniffling a bit.  
  
"Do you mind talking about it?"  
  
"It's a long story." She found herself using the same excuse that Jess had, but she did mind talking about it.  
  
"Hon, what's the matter?" Her mother was calling her. "I swear, if he hurt you I." she got closer and realized who else was there. "Christopher?"  
  
"Hey. I was just up here and she."  
  
"It's okay. Let's go inside." They all headed into the family room, Christopher still cradling his daughter's head to his chest. They sat on the couch, both of her parents wondering what had happened.  
  
"So, um, ready to talk?" Lorelai broke the silence.  
  
"She told me that it was boy trouble," Christopher whispered to Lorelai. "Should I leave?"  
  
"No, no. Stay here." Rory had overheard. "Maybe you could help."  
  
"I'll try."  
  
"So what happened in the apartment?"  
  
"You remember last night, right?"  
  
"What about last night?" Christopher needed to be informed.  
  
"well, I kissed jess." she told him everything about yesterday.  
  
"So, you like Jess." Chris clarified.  
  
"Well yea, but today he said that we couldn't have a relationship and he gave no explanation. He just said that it has to be this way, but he seemed like he was doing this against his will. I demanded to know why, but he got all mad and screamed at me to get out."  
  
"That's when you came running down the stair crying?" Her mother finished.  
  
"Yea. I'm just so confused. You're a guy, dad. Do you know why he's acting so strange?"  
  
"Well, I don't know for sure, but it sounds like he's probably more confused than you are. It could be a number of reasons. Maybe this is something new too him, or it might be another girl. I would suggest just staying away for a while to allow him to figure this out on his own."  
  
"Wow, you sure have come a long way since you were sixteen." Lorelai commented.  
  
"How can I? He's Luke's nephew and this is not an easy town to avoid someone in, you know." Rory protested.  
  
"I don't know how, just try."  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: okay, um I can't exactly figure out what to do next so please review with suggestion if possible. Thanks. 


	7. Drive

A/N: Thank you so much to all my reviewers. I love you all and you have helped me so much. I can't thank you enough.  
  
~~The next morning~~  
  
Rory finally got the courage to brave the diner in hopes that Jess was going to avoid her. Lorelai escorted her in the door and sat her down at the nearest table. They both looked around, but there was no Jess in site.  
  
"I was starting to worry about you two. I would hate to see you deprived of coffee for a whole day." Luke walked up to the their table carrying two steaming mug of coffee.  
  
"Me too," joked Lorelai.  
  
"Where's Jess?" Rory finally spoke her mind.  
  
"I sent that little devil back to New York where he belongs. He didn't even put up a fight."  
  
Rory didn't know how to take this. She was glad that she didn't have to worry about running into jess, but this meant that he was gone. Gone forever. She really wanted him back now that he was gone. Who could she talk to now about books and such? She had to get him back, but how?  
  
"That would explain the slightly-more-cheerful-than-usual mood." Lorelai tried to take Luke's attention away from the frown on Rory's face.  
  
"What's the matter?" Apparently it didn't work.  
  
"I have to go to school." Rory swung her book bag over her shoulder and gulped some of her coffee down before heading for the door. Lorelai caught her sleeve.  
  
"We'll talk about this when you get home, okay, hon?" She whispered.  
  
"Whatever." She practically ran out the door.  
  
"What's with her?" Luke asked Lorelai, concerned.  
  
"Jess is with her."  
  
Luke paused to think. "Ah, gotcha."  
  
~~During Rory's geometry class~~  
  
Why? God, it's like he just wanted to freak me out. Then he leaves without saying anything. Not that I would know what to say, but he could have at least told me what last night was all about. He just kissed me. Out of the blue. No reason.was there? I finally figure out that I love him, which is a huge deal. Then he up and leaves. It's like his sole purpose in life was to run away from me.  
  
"Miss Gilmore?" Rory broke from her trance to the teacher's irritated voice. "The answer, please?"  
  
~~Meanwhile in New York~~  
  
Jess sat on the disgustingly dirty bench near the side of the road. The skid marks were no longer there and the dented street light that should have been sitting in front of him had long since been replaced. But for some reason no one had noticed the crack that remained on the very bench where he sat. It sat there mocking him as the one reminder of his old life. The life where he was free from himself. The life before the accident. 'God! What is with that word,' He thought. 'It wasn't an accident. It was my fault.'  
  
'Of course it wasn't,' his mind argued. 'It was an accident. You couldn't have prevented it even if you knew it would happen. It was her time to go.'  
  
'While she was my girlfriend? I was about to tell her that I loved her. She never heard me say it. Couldn't it have just waited for a little bit? At least until I could tell her?'  
  
'Maybe, but it didn't. She still heard you. She's okay.'  
  
'What do you mean? She's alive?'  
  
'No, not physically. She's alive with you.'  
  
'Right, like those corny movies? 'She's in your heart, always.'  
  
'No, no. In your mind. As long as you have the memory, nothing can die. Remember what she used to tell you?'  
  
'About my music?'  
  
'Yeah.'  
  
'She said that there was always a personal note behind every great song.'  
  
'Yeah. Remember that song you were listening to?'  
  
'No! I can't think too much into that that night.' 'You remember it. You two memorized it. Remember.'  
  
'No! I won't.'  
  
'Remember. That's the only way to get things back to normal.'  
  
'No. There must be another way. I can't remember. It's all a blur.'  
  
'Don't kid yourself. Think. Think hard. What was she wearing?'  
  
'A tight red shirt and dark jeans.' The thought came unwillingly.  
  
'Atta boy. Now what were the flowers you were giving her?'  
  
He knew that they were red roses. A bit cliché, but he wasn't the best at this sort of thing. Suddenly they had turned white with the jolt of the car smothered in the powered cocaine he always had stashed in the back.  
  
'No!' He wouldn't let himself remember.  
  
'You remember. The song. What was the song?'  
  
'No! I don't remember. I can't.'  
  
Just then a car drove by blaring Drive by Incubus.  
  
'There it is! There it is!' One part of him was excited to here it again, but as he remembered the lyrics, he couldn't stop remembering that night.  
  
  
  
A/N: Sorry if this chapter is a bit confusing, but I have been reading Lord or the Flies and can't seem to think normally anymore. It's a good book, though. More to come. And God bless America! 


	8. Understanding

Jess felt a drop of rain on his hand. He looked at the place where it had landed and up at the sky. The sun was high and there wasn't a cloud in sight. He rested his head in his hands and felt the wet on his cheeks. He had been crying. He never cried. How could he let himself fall apart now? He just wanted to understand why she had been taken away. He had only continued being as bad as he was so that people wouldn't know anything. It was his mask of hatred and trouble. The one he only took off for himself and Janet. Maybe Rory, too. But he didn't want to think about that right now. First he had to pull himself together. He had to get home so that his probably wasted mother wouldn't worry about him. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his Metalica T-shirt then, looked around cautiously to be sure that no one had noticed it. He set off on that familiar route from his special place to his least favorite place in the world. For the first time that he could remember the sight of a young boy smoking in an alley seemed a bit out of the ordinary.  
  
~~Outside the Independence Inn~~  
  
Lorelai shook out her hand after a long day at work. She hated paperwork, but, since Michele had the day off, she was stuck with a writer's cramp. Suddenly her mind rewound to the night before. Why had Chris come here? After what had happened the last time? Sure, she was happy to have him back. She loved him. This much she had figured out, but She wanted to understand him. This was what she had been waiting for. She just hoped that he felt the same way.  
  
~~On the streets of Stars Hollow~~  
  
Chris had never stopped loving Lorelai. How cold he? She had the most beautiful brown hair that he had ever seen. Not to mention her smile, and her laugh, and her eyes and. He just loved every bit of her. But she had hurt him the last time they were here. He didn't understand why she blamed him for her mistakes: her brake up with Max, her inability to have a complete dating life. Of course he was happy that she had not married Max. That would take her away. There would be no chance for them, then.  
  
~~On the Bus from Hartford~~  
  
Rory sat on the bus reading Oliver Twist for about the 10th time. She didn't know why she bothered. It just made her think of Jess. She couldn't concentrate on anything. The words on the page seemed to blur together. She still didn't understand why he had left. Maybe he wanted to clear some things up back home before he got into a relationship with her. Yea, that was it. He needed to break something off in New York, so that he could be with her.Right? She just wished he would come back and make her understand. Or maybe she would go to him. She had known that something was bothering him, but she didn't know what. Maybe that was why he had gone back. He had someone back home and felt guilty about kissing her. Of course, He was the on who initiated it. Suddenly she felt the bus jerk to a stop and heard the squeak of the doors opening. She gathered her books and headed off the bus. When she was on the sidewalk she looked up and froze. There, sitting on the bench, was someone she had not expected to see.  
  
"Hey," he said softly. The bus closed its doors and drove away.  
  
"Hey." She finally spoke. He was just happy to hear her voice. 


	9. Exposure

"What are you doing here?" Rory asked, confused.  
  
"I.I'm sorry." Dean stumbled over his rehearsed words. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you, I didn't mean everything that I said about us."  
  
"Dean," She tried to interrupt him.  
  
"Rory, I regret what I said," he went on, simply needing to get these words out. "I really shouldn't have talked to you like that. I mean, you're the one and only person I ever want to be with."  
  
"Dean, listen!" Rory almost yelled.  
  
He opened his mouth to continue then realized that Rory was talking.  
  
"I'm sorry, too, but what you said was right. I don't love you anymore. I wish that I did, but I just don't. You are a really sweet guy and I had a great time with you. But it's time for me to move on. I have a lot on my mind and I don't need anything more. You should move on too. Find something else to think about." She walked away slowly toward home. Well, it was done. Rory and Dean had no more chances left. She knew that she had been harsh. She almost felt bad a she remembered the words that had thoughtlessly spilled from her mouth. She was happy, though. That was one thing that she wouldn't have to do again. At least not to Dean, anyway.  
  
Rory just needed to focus on Jess, now. 'Oh, right,' She thought. 'I promised Mom that we would talk about Jess today.'  
  
This was going to be a long day.  
  
~~At the Independence Inn~~  
  
The Inn was particularly busy today and Lorelai hung the phone up after about the sixth pillow-less customer had complained. She flopped down a 'chair-and-a-half' in the lobby, when someone familiar walked in. Chris approached her with a smile creeping onto his face.  
  
"I thought I would find you here."  
  
"Well, it is 1:00 on a Monday," Lorelai stated.  
  
"You look tired."  
  
"A busy Monday, no less"  
  
Chris hesitated. He didn't want to upset her or put more pressure on her, but he really needed her to know this.  
  
"That Jess kid.what's his last name?"  
  
"Mariano. And. he moved back to New York. Why?" Lorelai asked, curious.  
  
"I, uh." He bit his lip. "I know his mother. And I think I know why he moved back."  
  
"Go on?" Lorelai was unsure of what he meant.  
  
"His mother worked with Sherry," He cringed at the name. "Before I met her. A few years ago he and his girlfriend were in a car accident. Drunk driving. She was killed. His mother said that Jess blamed himself, as any teenage guy would. I'm pretty sure he went back to her memory."  
  
Lorelai only sat in silence, stunned.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Yeah, I know this Chapter is really short, but things have been really hectic. I won't bore you with the details. Anyway hope you like it. Please review. Thanks. 


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